Saturday, June 26, 2010

rainy june days to forever winter nights

Yesterday started out... unusually cold.

Colder than the day before... It's been some time since I did something to really direct myself to a goal to keep me moving forward.

Its nearly four months since I earned my degree, nearly four months when I decided that job hunting does not suit me, nearly four months that almost everyday all I do is stare at the ceiling, sleep, eat, net, occasional school visit, dates and friendly dates… and other things to keep myself busy. I’m starting to think that I wasted a lot of time already and it bothers me to hell. The BEST thing is: I can’t move… I don’t know how to. But I got to start somewhere… I guess the pain of job hunting is really inevitable.

Yesterday started out… unusually cold.

Unusually cold for my liking. It’s weird because I saw remnants of sunshine through my window before it became cloudy. I don’t mind the chill brought by the rain - I love goose bumps on my skin, it just bothers me that it’s starting to affect my heart, it’s starting to affect my mind, it’s starting to affect how I think. Things started to get ugly, even my heart did; my dreams are fading… and my love – gone.

Yesterday started out...unusually cold…

And last night reminded me of how stupid I was with a slap on the face by words sharper than my Swiss knife - It coursed through my chest. Memories haunted my thoughts sharper than HQ vid. Just when I thought of embracing everything and acceptance is the key, I felt like letting go… falling, falling, falling further - please prepare me for the coming winter nights.