October 22, 2011
Dear Love,
I opened my eyes early today. It was with the intention of getting up early and going to my counselling appointment on the dot. But knowing me, opening my eyes early does not mean waking up and start my day. It was merely the physical act of 'opening of the eyes'. I fell back to sleep. I am deprived of a decent one since I was out last night and my head hurts.
10:05 AM and there I was, sitting, waiting for Lola Jessie to call me for my turn. Not a minute has passed since I sat on in front of her, I found myself reaching for a piece of tissue. Deep inside me, I am mad. Mad of what is happening with me: why is it so hard for him to forgive?
Maybe I have become his object of hate? Like what happened to Hitler...
Will it ever be that one day I'll just wake up and realize that I am about to get married? And be surprised at how I hid the relationship for a long time...
But I am not that convinced that he is such a control freak. I know he is, but I just can't accept that so easily just because someone told me so... I know he likes to be in control but not to the point of being freaky. And besides, I can see that he just wants us to be happy. (oh my god, that made me teary)
What I cannot control is out not my problem... Yet, the repercussion of one's action towards me greatly influences my decisions. That's where I need to sort things out - is it me? or is it them?
moving on...
I usually go directly to the office to work, but that day, I went to have my face cleaned a.k.a. facial. How vain of me. hahaha. forgive me ok? My head still freaking hurts. After that, I went to eat pasta at Cerealicious. How I hope someone I'm comfortable to be with is there eating silently beside me... but the catharsis and the food and the me time kinda removes a bit of stress.
Know thyself, love thyself.
I found myself facing a difficult decision: to spend time with the people I miss or to prioritize my work. Asking for advise I texted Lorenzo, well... I ended up working than going to Star City. Hmm... I guess it's ok (neutral), I had time for myself that morning, I had to sacrifice and know my priorities.
October 23, 2011
Dear Love,
What did I do? I woke up and cleaned the fan. Today seems good; the air is cool and it's not so sunny, I even felt like jogging that afternoon. But it rained. My father took my brother to UP and there's no chance I'll go there too... The tension is just too great (kahit na ang laki laki na ng UP), I needed time away from him. I just want to disappear from the face of the earth.
I feel like suffocating. Ewan ko ba, parang ayoko nang gumalaw... :(
Do you know the feeling of wanting someone near you and yet you push them away? It's a complicated thing... And it sucks. I wish love and forgiveness is the only thing present in this world. It's much easier that way, because you don't have to resort to other negative alternative like pushing the person away or showing them that you don't like them.
Even the priest's homily talks about love... It's becoming more mysterious to me, love...
And here I am and my poor self thinking if I really loved... or if I am capable of loving...
Hoping that in my heart the answer is yes.
I opened my eyes early today. It was with the intention of getting up early and going to my counselling appointment on the dot. But knowing me, opening my eyes early does not mean waking up and start my day. It was merely the physical act of 'opening of the eyes'. I fell back to sleep. I am deprived of a decent one since I was out last night and my head hurts.
10:05 AM and there I was, sitting, waiting for Lola Jessie to call me for my turn. Not a minute has passed since I sat on in front of her, I found myself reaching for a piece of tissue. Deep inside me, I am mad. Mad of what is happening with me: why is it so hard for him to forgive?
Maybe I have become his object of hate? Like what happened to Hitler...
Will it ever be that one day I'll just wake up and realize that I am about to get married? And be surprised at how I hid the relationship for a long time...
But I am not that convinced that he is such a control freak. I know he is, but I just can't accept that so easily just because someone told me so... I know he likes to be in control but not to the point of being freaky. And besides, I can see that he just wants us to be happy. (oh my god, that made me teary)
What I cannot control is out not my problem... Yet, the repercussion of one's action towards me greatly influences my decisions. That's where I need to sort things out - is it me? or is it them?
moving on...
I usually go directly to the office to work, but that day, I went to have my face cleaned a.k.a. facial. How vain of me. hahaha. forgive me ok? My head still freaking hurts. After that, I went to eat pasta at Cerealicious. How I hope someone I'm comfortable to be with is there eating silently beside me... but the catharsis and the food and the me time kinda removes a bit of stress.
Know thyself, love thyself.
I found myself facing a difficult decision: to spend time with the people I miss or to prioritize my work. Asking for advise I texted Lorenzo, well... I ended up working than going to Star City. Hmm... I guess it's ok (neutral), I had time for myself that morning, I had to sacrifice and know my priorities.
October 23, 2011
Dear Love,
What did I do? I woke up and cleaned the fan. Today seems good; the air is cool and it's not so sunny, I even felt like jogging that afternoon. But it rained. My father took my brother to UP and there's no chance I'll go there too... The tension is just too great (kahit na ang laki laki na ng UP), I needed time away from him. I just want to disappear from the face of the earth.
I feel like suffocating. Ewan ko ba, parang ayoko nang gumalaw... :(
Do you know the feeling of wanting someone near you and yet you push them away? It's a complicated thing... And it sucks. I wish love and forgiveness is the only thing present in this world. It's much easier that way, because you don't have to resort to other negative alternative like pushing the person away or showing them that you don't like them.
Even the priest's homily talks about love... It's becoming more mysterious to me, love...
And here I am and my poor self thinking if I really loved... or if I am capable of loving...
Hoping that in my heart the answer is yes.
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